Sign On Bonus

Structured settlement buyers like to entice you with a sign on bonus or a free IPad, smartphone or TV. It’s a sucker’s play to divert you from the massive amount of future value you will be losing by selling your structured settlement.  Are you a sucka?

Sign on bonus

Swallow you in like Jonahs

With a fuckin lie as tall as Petronas

Now the onus on you

To have some kajones


Free IPad, TV or a gift card

Bitch you ain’t A-Rod going yard

With endless calls they bombard

Poor Terry got taken to avant-garde


Used to strut down the boulevard

Sign on bonus. Thought you was the star

Now you all just feathered and tarred

You used to party with Marky-Mark

Now your life is lookin’ stark

Burnt the damn “stake” like Joan of Arc.


Sign on bonus thought you was the tsar

Off you went to Zanzibar

Drink champagne out of a samovar

With elephant Babar and a dude named Jaffar


Then off  you went to Cote D’Ivoire

To hear Gregoire from Myanmar play da guitar

Then you woke up at Balthazar

New York New York for those from afar

Wuz just dreamin’ hardy har-har

What it would be like to have a doll-ar.

Cash now sucks eh “superstar”?


So keep your income

So you don’t succumb

To be eating crumbs

Because of cash now scum.


Cash now for structured settlement sucks

Forget the sign on bonus. Buy your own TV!






























Published by FunkyChicken

I love funky music, lyrical poetry and the "rhyme sublime". A rapper with an interest in structured settlements. I read about too many brothers and sisters getting hosed by advertisers buying structured settlements. Having to sell your structured settlement sucks, but many people don't have the access to the information they need and making bad decisions, so I decided to rap home the message.

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