Cash Now Sucks for Structured Settlement

Cash now sucks and nothing sucks more than a website from India, where there are no structured settlements, trying to sound authoritative to Americans with a structured settlement. Today I’m disgusted with an Indian website called I Love Structured that is bad. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was commissioned by someone here in the USA.

First of all I want to get a couple of thing straight, cash now sucks!  That and that I like Indians, have Indian friends, love Indian food, Bollywood and all that shit.  I’ve got nothing wrong with India or Indians readers. But the Indians that are writing this I Love Structured shit are giving out bad info. If don’t have the education it doesn’t improve your situation and may even hurt you if you rely on something that ain’t correct.  Do you what I’m saying?  I just don’t like how it seems that all the Black Hat web development dudes eat up this shit. They pay for cheap ass labor to so they can post original content whether it’s true or not and get people sell the structured settlement payments that they depend on for cash now.

I know y’all waiting on the rhyme so here we go…

The I Love Structured Rap

I Love Structured is

Like a Blood Vessel Ruptured

Not structured settlement cultured

Like structured settlement “butchered”


“It’s Not a Tumah”

Yes it is Muthafukka

It’s Cash Now Sucka

Something You Can Duck-a

So you won’t be broke-a


I Love Structured from India

Don’t Know What Got Into Ya

I Love my curry

But I’m in no hurry

To buy into their slurry


The structured settlement culture is

Already full of vultures

Now we got Raj from New Delhi

Trying to make you feel swelly

And Ajay from Bombay

Would he just go away?

They buy Gupta links

Put it on blogs that really stink


It would be less comical

If they were more on topical

If they checked for accuracy

Instead of a bullshit legacy






Forum Shopping Is Structured Settlement Dumbasstry

Forum shopping is a fucked up business practice where dudes offering you cash now incentivize you to lie on your cash for structured settlement application and to a Court in a place that you don’t live so you can get cash. And they tell you it perfectly legal. The problem bro is that this is some fucked up shit. It be fraud. It’s bad enough that they be cleaning that Flavor Flav size clock around yo chicken neck, but they get you to lie  so when push comes to shove,  the judge in your make believe state of residence is going to look at you like “dumbass this is all on you”.

Girl like shopping

So the buyer takes you hopping

To Another state

Where you ain’t got stakes


To make up a story

That’s pretty whore-y

To impress a state court judge

May ignore details you fudged.


If you keep your trap shut

You a cash now slut

Slave for  your cash now pimp

You been chumped  you chimp


Now you a liar

For the structured settlement buyer

Forum shopping ain’t OK

Get caught you eatin’ hay

Just like Moola the Cow

And How Now Da Brown Sow

I be drinkin’  Lowenbrau

You just be fuckin’ low brow


Nobody be sympathetic

To a lying peripatetic

So mind ya big fat ass

Don’t be no pimply dumbass

If they ask you to lie

You just say bye bye














Annuity Sold Exec Smacked Upside in Google Gaming

A representative  of Owings Mills based Annuity Sold, sent documents to a process server in California for an “online reputation management” lawsuit in Rhode Island that two lawyers said was phony.  Read it in Washington Post.  Homies this is some fucked up shit.  According to the lawyers who did the research on these phony lawsuits,  all the effort behind the phony lawsuits was designed to game Google for so called online reputation management. Customer of the online reputation management company were charged thousands of dollars for the privilege of participating in the scam.

Seems Richart Ruddie is getting smacked upside the head ever since. According to the appropriately named Tech Dirt, ” as a result of a federal judge in Rhode Island taking a second look at an order he hastily granted earlier, Paul Alan Levy of Public Citizen has been able to confirm Richart Ruddie — the head of an extremely-sketchy reputation management company — signed off on the forged and fraudulent documents delivered to the court”.

I feel a rhyme coming on homes.  Here we go.

Annuity Sold

Y’all Think You’re Bold

You Be Fuckin’ Over Gold

And your racket be getting old.


I can’t trust your sorry ass

Sell My structure?  I’ll think I’ll pass

Getting drawn into Ruddie’s morass

Owings Mills bred them fuckin’ shills

So frickin’ creepy they give me da chills.


Richart Ruddie he be all smuggy

Phony lawsuits alleged to be in his buggy

Volokh and Levy boy did they study

And gave Ruddie Duddie a great big nuggy


Ruddie tried to game mighty Google

Shoulda stayed home and eaten mama’s Kugel

Instead of being on the short end of a wet noodle

Or if the Rhode Island prosecute, being someone’s poodle.


Annuity Sold

Y’All Think You’re Bold

Slippery eel you broke the mold

A story that must be told

So that mighty Google don’t get rolled


You do your shit as you please

I heed the words of the Stereo MCs

“Something ain’t right
I’m gonna get myself
I’m gonna get myself
I’m gonna get myself connected
I ain’t gonna go blind
For the light which is reflected
I see thru you
I see thru you
I see thru you
I see thru you
Ya dirty tricks
Ya make me sick
I see thru you
I see thru you
I’m gonna do it again”

They be Connected too

Instead of dishing stinky poo


















ISettlements Need I-Glasses

In the words of Pink Floyd, ‘ we don’t need no education’  Long haired English dudes from the 1970s must’ve inspired Isettlements, because based on the Coppertoned Fort Lauderdale structured settlement buyer bullshit they trying to spoon feed the homes, muthafukkaz show they don’t know shit about structured settlements. and they seem to think y’all are just another brick in the damn wall. Check this out:

Isettlements Say This BS About Lottery Win

“Lottery Win
One of the happiest reasons to receive structured settlement is because you’ve won the lottery. Some people opt for a lottery annuity in lieu of a lump sum payment. This is helpful if the winner wants to receive regular monthly lottery payments tax-free instead of a big taxed payment”.

Why It’s BS?   Homes, rich white guys trying to tell you a lottery is tax-free?  That’s total bullshit.  If y’all win the lottery, go on and file your tax return and pay your taxes. Listen to Uncle Sam not their spam.

Isettlements then Say This BS about Lawsuit Win

“Lawsuit Win

Sometimes, one of the payment options for the winner of a lawsuit includes a structured settlement agreement”.

Why It’s BS? Homes, when you win the lawsuit it ain’t a settlement!

Isettlements then Say  more BS about Worker’s Compensation

“Worker’s Compensation
If you are injured on the job and file a worker’s comp claim, you may be compensated with a structured settlement annuity. Dangerous work conditions can result in serious injuries, and if you’re on the job, your employer may very well be legally at fault’.

Why it’s BS?   Homes, check this out, the whole principle behind workers comp is strict liability.

Like we need a spade to shovel up this BS.  But instead of shoveling their bullshit, I’m just gonna get lyrical about it.  Here we go, here we go…

Isettlements Need I Glasses,  by Rapunzel Rappinghood with Master Funky Chicken   Do The Funky Chicken

They gave advice on winning lottery

Like someone majoring in pottery

A fuckin’ crockery of bullshitry

Don’t know a structured settlement

Dat supposed to be for my betterment?

I’d rather suck on a butter mint

Display more intelligence

They explained workers compensation like a true abomination

The explanation was Ken L Ration

Time to change the frickin’ station

Need homes with comprehension

It would be more considerate

if dat page was more than half literate



JG Wentworth Death Watch | JG Rapper

JG Wentworth stock the epitome of cash now sucks homes.  Suckas losing lots of Benjamins all the way to the cash now for structured settlements shitter.  They be on death watch.  50 Cent now worth more than JG Wentworth.  So check out this rhyme, some more sublime, about the Radnor  Pennsylvania company suffering a case of shrinkage that George Costanza would be proud of.


Don’t need Phi Betta Kappa

or a JG Rapper

Stock in da Crapper

Yo’ money kidnappa


Scratch my crotch, ho

JG death watch, bro

Invested there, schmo

Me too, flo


Don’t cha know, Bo

No more money to, blow

Cash now, no

Go da way of the doe, doe


Cash now sucks, yes

Got that right, Wes

What a fuckin, mess

Got F on da, test

They no longer, best


Dat Viking chorus

Now only bores us

Finances, Porous

No mas furthemoras


The JGW cadaver, brings

Tears from Little Abner

How dat grab ya?

Blah Blah Blah, Blah

Wah Wah Wah,Wah

















Structured Settlement Cash Now Junk

People live to regret selling structured settlement for cash now.  Structured settlement cash now ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.  One you starts selling structured settlement it’s addictive like crack and the structured settlement buyers know this. That’s why they keep calling and calling and calling. Beware of structured settlement cash now junk!  Check out this new rhyme about structured settlement cash now.

You in a Funk

Hooked on Cash Now Junk

Now You Sleeping in Bottom Bunk

Below Some Over-Tattooed Hunk

If you only thunk

Before you hit that junk

You wouldn’t be sunk

structured settlement cash now

What the fuck bro?

Never though you’d be schmo

A dishrag ho

Or a junkyard dawg


You had all that ambition

It’s the family tradition

Not time for sedition

Create your new edition


Say hip hip hooray

Don’t piss it away

I’m in control

Fuck dat Philly Roll


Be Like Ole King Cole

With a Merry Old Sole

And a Merry Old So You Be

When you call for yo pipe in da middle of the night

Structured settlement cash now hustler can go fly a kite


Structured settlement cash now hustlers

Say your annuity like eensy-weensy spider spider crawling up da water spout

Simply tell those muthafukkaz to get the fuck out.



Structured Settlement Forger

Dude named Jose Manuel Camacho Jr.  got busted in Broward County Florida for forging 7 judges signatures on 104 or more structured settlement transfer orders.  Camacho admitted to the structured settlement transfer forgeries.  He was charged with multiple counts of a Class 3 felony on this rap. The Camacho dude was a so-called “officer of the court”. That’s a fancy word for a lawyer.  At the time he became a structured settlement forger, Camacho was a Miami lawyer who was hired by South Florida companies that pay structured settlement cash now to residents of Broward County (and other places). He ain’t no lawyer now and he’s facing prosecution for 14 criminal charges and maybe some other lawsuits by his former clients.

Structured settlement forger

On cash now legal fees he was a gorger

His fraud unwound

When he was found

Faking structured settlement transfer orders


Jose Camacho was his name

And he earned his infame

by a bad forge of Marina Garcia-Wood

Judge Wood was alert

To this fatuous berk

And the piss poor rendition of her signature

Now that Camacho has spilled the Gazpacho

Left a legal career choked by a ligature.


What could have motivated the serial forger

“twas it the darkest depths of Mordor?”

Forged Luzzo, Lynch and O’Connor

Twas Powell, Rodriguez that left us blinkin’

Like the only ones left were Rudolph,  Donner and Blitzen

Tell you what homes, if he goes to jail he gonna be someone’s bitch then.


All around the Broward County house

Not a newspaper was stirring not even a mouse.

Reporting about this Camacho louse

Hate to be such a frickin’ grouse

Can’t stand jackass lawyers of the court

Who taint the system like a big ass wart.


“I,  I ,  aye aye… don’t have a good feeling”

There’s a structured settlement forger in Florida

There’s a structured settlement forger in New York

It simply the matter of who got porked.


How we supposed to have faith in “the man” if the man doing this shit?











Unlicensed Salesmen

If you sell structured settlement, you enter what a writer for the Washington Post calls the “netherworld of structured settlements”.  It is a world of unlicensed salesmen and saleswomen who some liken to flesh ripping scavenging birds of prey.

cash now structured settelment vultures
Cash now “structured settlement vulture”

I know it’s hard to believe. In Nevada you need a license to be a “hoe”or  a “pro”. The dude that inks your tats needs a license.  The day care center that takes care of your 7 children needs a license.  You need license or permit to run a marijuana dispensary, but nothing for distributing “financial crack”. Repeat customers demonstrate that financial crack is  an addictive “drug” doled out by cash now “pimps” with the approval of  state court judges.


Deal with unlicensed salesmen if you dare

Cash now party like you just don’t care

Financially you just had a scare

But bank of yo’ mattress almost bare


Cash now cannibals everywhere

Eat your payments, may leave some hair

Robo calls every where

People pissing with outrage

Due to political laissez- faire


Mary Alice Rose I suppose

All it took was her to bloody her nose

And Freddie Gray to get blown away

For Brian Frosh to come and save the day


Annuitants ain’t no hoes and they ain’t no schmoes

So why they keep getting hosed?

Racial Profiling

They think they stylin’

Those cash now vultures

Fish breath belchers

I prefer Welches.


Unlicensed salesmen or saleswomen

Can’t help but bump into them

Fills my mouth with phlegm

I have to condemn

The fuckin’ math problem

30 cents to me 70 cents to them

A.M.or P.M.

They ain’t no gems





















Baltimore City Lead Poisoning Kids Prey

Baltimore City lead poisoning kids have been preyed upon by a Chevy Chase company called Access Funding, according to a front page story in the Washington Post. It is a thoroughly scathing article by Terrence McCoy that suggests that Access Funding has taken advantage of poor black Baltimore city kids who were victims of lead poisoning that they were exposed to when growing up.  As a result of the lead exposure and the legal action that followed, many of the victims entered into structured settlements designed to provide long term financial security.  Some were paid as little as 35 cents on the dollar after being induced to sell, and courts approved it, according to the Washington Post.

Here’s what Master Funky Chicken have to say ’bout that:


Baltimore city kids ate fuckin’ lead

Makes you dead in the head

They say Access went after their “bread”

McCoy smacked em’ upside the head


Mac Daddy Washington Post

McCoy stuck his head in the most

On it comes Brian E. Frosh

With cash now dealers he’s ready to mosh.

And on come the Maryland legislators

Out to slay the cash now alligators


Poor Baltimore structured settlement annuitants

Those Lump Sum dealers owe some penitence

They tried to make hay with Freddie Gray

Then Freddie Gray died that day.

And Mary Alice Rose and her IPA

Charles E Smith

What da fuck did he do anyway?


Smith being sued

For an IPA said to be pooed

Mild retardation

Can you understand the situation?

Shit like this going on across the nation

Leaving these people to eat “Ken-L-Ration”?


From steady payments to  eatin’ dog food

Sorry honey I’m not in the mood

Get these predatory mo fos out of my ‘hood

Don’t let me be misunderstood


Time for Frosh to put on the kabosh

So a brother can afford some nosh

In steps Elijah Cummings

Time for him to do something stunning

Congressional investigation

Time to change the situation


















Access Excess

Access Excess


Annuity Cash | Sell Annuity for Lump Sum

Is annuity cash really the best thing? Should you sell your annuity for a lump sum of cash? What about cash for structured settlement annuity? Maybe you should think twice.  Maybe you should seek independent professional advice.  Here’s what the periodic payment poet Master Funky Chicken has to say on the topic.

Annuity cash

Don’t do anything rash

The teeny pile of cash for your payments

Be gone in a flash


Annuity cash

Where does  that leave you

In Deep Do Do

You Little Rabbit Foo Foo

They bopped you on the head.


The bopped you on the head

Now you in the red

No more street cred

No more mo-ped


With annuity cash

You ain’t done

With only just one

Harassing phone calls

From scum balls in overalls

to do rags and underalls

Douche bags

Fuck ’em all


Cash now sucks

Don’t mind the shmucks

In the fancy tux

Scarfing ya bucks.

Leaving you down on your luck


Stay out of the muck

Keep your bucks

Structured settlement bucks

are great kind of bucks


Your income is smooth and predictable

The “mo flow”, to babes. irresistible.