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Cash Now Sucks

The Perils of Sell Structured Settlement Using the Rhyme Sublime of Master Funky Chicken and crew

Category Archives: Fort Lauderdale Structured Settlement

Cash Now Sucks. Structured Settlement Cash Now Sucks

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Cash now sucks because all you get if you sell your structured settlement for cash now is just pennies on the dollar. What a rip off and it really sucks in the long term. It definitely ain’t the muthafukkin’ shit that them punk ass salesmen say it is. So don’t be a fool bro.

cash now sucks
Fine margins separate success from sucks

Your structured settlement that yo mama set up for you when you were a little dude man, that’s some heavy duty shit.

A structured settlement gives you stability

And tranquility.

So you can take responsibility

Instead of mooching off ya family.

And your homies and me.

That punk ass salesman ain’t got no license

That make “upside yo head” sense

Better to light up some incense

In-cents better than no sense they say

So new Beats by Dr Dre you can play

What y’all should say is ” no way”

Cash now sucks you duck

Why you’re here I don’t give a fuck

So get out of my face ace

Wipe the Rip me off smile off your face

Put me on that Do Not Call list

Call again and I’ll be fuckin’ pissed.

Don’t need your postcards

Or daffy canards

Or burner phones

from fucked up homes

Secondary Market Annuity | Pawn It Like a Gold Chain

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Today we be talking Secondary Market Annuity. A Secondary Market Annuity is Not an Annuity or so I read from The Dawg.  Basically what happens is when young brothas get chumped by some rich dudes from Florida, they pawn it off like a fuckin’ gold chain man., except a judge has to approve the deal.  And the muthafukkaz that be chumping your sorry ass know which court to go to get to you know, get the thing done without too much lookey see. You think that structured settlement be worth $3 million. Well guess what, in Las Olas it’s worth 50 bucks, maybe a little more on 165th Street, you know “past that mall” from Funkin 4 Jamaica. Actually it ain’t THAT bad, but it’s pretty effin’ bad. When you sell your structured settlement payments to buy some bling, some rich folks, they gonna sing.  Before I get to my latest Funky “Poultrified” Rap you may want to check out this great article by David Bakee called 7 Things You Should and Shouldn’t Buy From a Pawn Shop.

Secondary Market Annuity

A Really Great Opportunity

pawn shop

Young brotha “pawns off” structured settlement and it gets re-sold as a Secondary Market Annuity

That’s In The Community

And So It Gleams

Like The Gold Chain

Bought for Mary Jane

When You Was in Spain

Singin in Rain

 

Like Fred Astaire

Your ass is threadbare

There ain’t nothing there

Not like in 2008

When you called Gair Gair

 

Chester the investor

All dressed in Polyester

Dances to  Sylvester

Takes 10 mg of Crestor

And bought the new zester

As a kind gesture

Cuz his wife was a pester

Thought he was a jester

 

All kidding aside

If the rules they do abide

No funny business tried

Won’t fall on your backside

Or left chewing rawhide.

 

Secondary Market Annuity

There ain’t no ambiguity

There ain’t no superfluity

If you’ve got the acuity

Investor can make a nice gratuity

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cash Now Sucks for Structured Settlement

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Cash now sucks and nothing sucks more than a website from India, where there are no structured settlements, trying to sound authoritative to Americans with a structured settlement. Today I’m disgusted with an Indian website called I Love Structured that is bad. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was commissioned by someone here in the USA.

First of all I want to get a couple of thing straight, cash now sucks!  That and that I like Indians, have Indian friends, love Indian food, Bollywood and all that shit.  I’ve got nothing wrong with India or Indians readers. But the Indians that are writing this I Love Structured shit are giving out bad info. If don’t have the education it doesn’t improve your situation and may even hurt you if you rely on something that ain’t correct.  Do you what I’m saying?  I just don’t like how it seems that all the Black Hat web development dudes eat up this shit. They pay for cheap ass labor to so they can post original content whether it’s true or not and get people sell the structured settlement payments that they depend on for cash now.

I know y’all waiting on the rhyme so here we go…

The I Love Structured Rap

I Love Structured is

Like a Blood Vessel Ruptured

Not structured settlement cultured

Like structured settlement “butchered”

 

“It’s Not a Tumah”

Yes it is Muthafukka

It’s Cash Now Sucka

Something You Can Duck-a

So you won’t be broke-a

 

I Love Structured from India

Don’t Know What Got Into Ya

I Love my curry

But I’m in no hurry

To buy into their slurry

 

The structured settlement culture is

Already full of vultures

Now we got Raj from New Delhi

Trying to make you feel swelly

And Ajay from Bombay

Would he just go away?

They buy Gupta links

Put it on blogs that really stink

 

It would be less comical

If they were more on topical

If they checked for accuracy

Instead of a bullshit legacy

 

 

 

 

 

Annuity Sold Exec Smacked Upside in Google Gaming

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A representative  of Owings Mills based Annuity Sold, sent documents to a process server in California for an “online reputation management” lawsuit in Rhode Island that two lawyers said was phony.  Read it in Washington Post.  Homies this is some fucked up shit.  According to the lawyers who did the research on these phony lawsuits,  all the effort behind the phony lawsuits was designed to game Google for so called online reputation management. Customer of the online reputation management company were charged thousands of dollars for the privilege of participating in the scam.

Seems Richart Ruddie is getting smacked upside the head ever since. According to the appropriately named Tech Dirt, ” as a result of a federal judge in Rhode Island taking a second look at an order he hastily granted earlier, Paul Alan Levy of Public Citizen has been able to confirm Richart Ruddie — the head of an extremely-sketchy reputation management company — signed off on the forged and fraudulent documents delivered to the court”.

I feel a rhyme coming on homes.  Here we go.

Annuity Sold

Y’all Think You’re Bold

You Be Fuckin’ Over Gold

And your racket be getting old.

 

I can’t trust your sorry ass

Sell My structure?  I’ll think I’ll pass

Getting drawn into Ruddie’s morass

Owings Mills bred them fuckin’ shills

So frickin’ creepy they give me da chills.

 

Richart Ruddie he be all smuggy

Phony lawsuits alleged to be in his buggy

Volokh and Levy boy did they study

And gave Ruddie Duddie a great big nuggy

 

Ruddie tried to game mighty Google

Shoulda stayed home and eaten mama’s Kugel

Instead of being on the short end of a wet noodle

Or if the Rhode Island prosecute, being someone’s poodle.

 

Annuity Sold

Y’All Think You’re Bold

Slippery eel you broke the mold

A story that must be told

So that mighty Google don’t get rolled

 

You do your shit as you please

I heed the words of the Stereo MCs

“Something ain’t right
I’m gonna get myself
I’m gonna get myself
I’m gonna get myself connected
I ain’t gonna go blind
For the light which is reflected
I see thru you
I see thru you
I see thru you
I see thru you
Ya dirty tricks
Ya make me sick
I see thru you
I see thru you
I’m gonna do it again”

They be Connected too

Instead of dishing stinky poo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ISettlements Need I-Glasses

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In the words of Pink Floyd, ‘ we don’t need no education’  Long haired English dudes from the 1970s must’ve inspired Isettlements, because based on the Coppertoned Fort Lauderdale structured settlement buyer bullshit they trying to spoon feed the homes, muthafukkaz show they don’t know shit about structured settlements. and they seem to think y’all are just another brick in the damn wall. Check this out:

Isettlements Say This BS About Lottery Win

“Lottery Win
One of the happiest reasons to receive structured settlement is because you’ve won the lottery. Some people opt for a lottery annuity in lieu of a lump sum payment. This is helpful if the winner wants to receive regular monthly lottery payments tax-free instead of a big taxed payment”.

Why It’s BS?   Homes, rich white guys trying to tell you a lottery is tax-free?  That’s total bullshit.  If y’all win the lottery, go on and file your tax return and pay your taxes. Listen to Uncle Sam not their spam.

Isettlements then Say This BS about Lawsuit Win

“Lawsuit Win

Sometimes, one of the payment options for the winner of a lawsuit includes a structured settlement agreement”.

Why It’s BS? Homes, when you win the lawsuit it ain’t a settlement!

Isettlements then Say  more BS about Worker’s Compensation

“Worker’s Compensation
If you are injured on the job and file a worker’s comp claim, you may be compensated with a structured settlement annuity. Dangerous work conditions can result in serious injuries, and if you’re on the job, your employer may very well be legally at fault’.

Why it’s BS?   Homes, check this out, the whole principle behind workers comp is strict liability.

Like we need a spade to shovel up this BS.  But instead of shoveling their bullshit, I’m just gonna get lyrical about it.  Here we go, here we go…

Isettlements Need I Glasses,  by Rapunzel Rappinghood with Master Funky Chicken   Do The Funky Chicken

They gave advice on winning lottery

Like someone majoring in pottery

A fuckin’ crockery of bullshitry

Don’t know a structured settlement

Dat supposed to be for my betterment?

I’d rather suck on a butter mint

Display more intelligence

They explained workers compensation like a true abomination

The explanation was Ken L Ration

Time to change the frickin’ station

Need homes with comprehension

It would be more considerate

if dat page was more than half literate

 

 

Structured Settlement Forger

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Dude named Jose Manuel Camacho Jr.  got busted in Broward County Florida for forging 7 judges signatures on 104 or more structured settlement transfer orders.  Camacho admitted to the structured settlement transfer forgeries.  He was charged with multiple counts of a Class 3 felony on this rap. The Camacho dude was a so-called “officer of the court”. That’s a fancy word for a lawyer.  At the time he became a structured settlement forger, Camacho was a Miami lawyer who was hired by South Florida companies that pay structured settlement cash now to residents of Broward County (and other places). He ain’t no lawyer now and he’s facing prosecution for 14 criminal charges and maybe some other lawsuits by his former clients.

Structured settlement forger

On cash now legal fees he was a gorger

His fraud unwound

When he was found

Faking structured settlement transfer orders

 

Jose Camacho was his name

And he earned his infame

by a bad forge of Marina Garcia-Wood

Judge Wood was alert

To this fatuous berk

And the piss poor rendition of her signature

Now that Camacho has spilled the Gazpacho

Left a legal career choked by a ligature.

 

What could have motivated the serial forger

“twas it the darkest depths of Mordor?”

Forged Luzzo, Lynch and O’Connor

Twas Powell, Rodriguez that left us blinkin’

Like the only ones left were Rudolph,  Donner and Blitzen

Tell you what homes, if he goes to jail he gonna be someone’s bitch then.

 

All around the Broward County house

Not a newspaper was stirring not even a mouse.

Reporting about this Camacho louse

Hate to be such a frickin’ grouse

Can’t stand jackass lawyers of the court

Who taint the system like a big ass wart.

 

“I,  I ,  aye aye… don’t have a good feeling”

There’s a structured settlement forger in Florida

There’s a structured settlement forger in New York

It simply the matter of who got porked.

 

How we supposed to have faith in “the man” if the man doing this shit?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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