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Cash Now Sucks

The Perils of Sell Structured Settlement Using the Rhyme Sublime of Master Funky Chicken and crew

Cash Now Sucks. Structured Settlement Cash Now Sucks

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Cash now sucks because all you get if you sell your structured settlement for cash now is just pennies on the dollar. What a rip off and it really sucks in the long term. It definitely ain’t the muthafukkin’ shit that them punk ass salesmen say it is. So don’t be a fool bro.

cash now sucks
Fine margins separate success from sucks

Your structured settlement that yo mama set up for you when you were a little dude man, that’s some heavy duty shit.

A structured settlement gives you stability

And tranquility.

So you can take responsibility

Instead of mooching off ya family.

And your homies and me.

That punk ass salesman ain’t got no license

That make “upside yo head” sense

Better to light up some incense

In-cents better than no sense they say

So new Beats by Dr Dre you can play

What y’all should say is ” no way”

Cash now sucks you duck

Why you’re here I don’t give a fuck

So get out of my face ace

Wipe the Rip me off smile off your face

Put me on that Do Not Call list

Call again and I’ll be fuckin’ pissed.

Don’t need your postcards

Or daffy canards

Or burner phones

from fucked up homes

StructuredSettlement.Us.Com | Structured Settlement BS

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Structuredsettlement.us.com is like a lotta websites out there that think they gonna get over on minorities. It don’t matter if y’all are black, white, Hispanic or whatever else, these are liars lookin to pay you just cents for every dollar of your structured settlement.  That’s why it don’t make no sense.

Pay attention on this. Here’ how these muthafuckkaz are lyin to y’all:

Brooklyn can be an expensive place to live these days. Quite a few people in the area have a structured settlement. Structured settlements are more than just a judgement for you. They are also a potential financial asset that can be bought or sold like other property”. BIG LIE—“That means that you might be able to get more out of your structured settlement than it’s currently giving you”-BIG LIE. Selling structured settlements can be a great way to accomplish many different goals. ”

structured settlement

Structuredsettlement.us.com serves up a tasty can of structured settlement bullshit 

The reason that Structuredsettlement.us.com is lyin to y’all is that if you sell your structured settlement you lose money every muthafukkin time. No shit.

Structuredsettlement.us.com dropping this deuce on your bandwidth all over New York City. The same words targeting people with a structured annuity settlement in Brooklyn, Queens and da Bronx.

Structuredsettlement.us.com

Website totally bombs

It’s full of bullshit

About all there’s to it

 

They target the BBQ

With their Poo Poo Stew

 

They Up in Da Bronx

When They Show Just Fuckin honk

They Show Up in Queens

Better Eat Your Greens

They Show up in Brooklyn

Just keep on Chucklin’

 

You sell your structure

Get pecked alive by a vulture

They target a brother

And the brother’s mother

Don’t even pucker

If you ain’t no sucker

Open a jar of Smuckers

Don’t be a Schmucka.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cash Fast But Can’t Make It Last

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Cash Fast for structured settlement is

A horse’s ass with effin’ Cheese Whiz

Lyin’ muthafukkaz grab on to your payments

Leaving y’all to graze on fuckin’ hay and Velamints

 

They Say Cash Fast

But They Can’t Make It Last

So Now You Force to Fast

And Feel Like a Dumb Ass

 

Structured Settlement Cash Fast

On your payments a sumptuous repast

Pennies on the dollah

And ring around the collar

 

They wisk away your payments

And kick y’all to the pavement

They got no advice

Just hot air and head lice.

 

Fast Advance ain’t no romance

MoFos get in you in a trance

A bit of misdirection

Like the last election

Trapped by imagination

No congratulation

 

So take no advice

From “Miami Vice”

Stick with fried rice

Keep it in your pocket, now THAT’s nice

 

Cash Fast or Fast Cash

A big effing pain in the ass

Like walking barefoot on glass

Bleeding a muthafukkin’ rash

 

A rash for cash you say

Sucka play for your money they make

They Be Stacking Benjamins

You in a trance like you was on Ketamin

Hydrogenated like margarine

Sliding on Parkay floor

While they circle back to rob you some more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DRB Capital, AnFed Bank, CBC Settlement Funding,  Seneca One,

Best Structured Settlement Annuity Companies 2018 | Top10 Reviews Sucks

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Top10 reviews sucks

This top don’t spin because Top10Reviews.com methodology sucks.

Best Structured Settlement Annuity Companies was published by Top10Reviews.com. They suck. Not a single one of the Best Structured Settlement Annuity Companies on that list is licensed to sell structured settlement annuities.  Not one of them is licensed to buy structured settlement annuities either. TheTop 10 Review site is bull shit. They trying to get over on your minority ass. Don’t let them.  When y’all pawn off your structured settlement as if you was going to the famous Home Boy of Harlem you ain’t selling no structured settlement annuity. That’s cuz you be selling the right to receive the payments from that annuity bro.

So TopTen Reviews.com claims its lineup of 10 structured settlement companies was selected based on several factors, including customer sentiment, company visibility and whether the company belongs to industry groups such as the National Association of Settlement Purchasers (NASP). In order to be a member of NASP, a structured settlement company must abide by a code of ethics, a consumer bill of rights and participate in anti-fraud initiatives.  But most important to read is that Top10 Reviews.com was not able to evaluate rates and fees, since they depend so much on the specific details of each settlement.

So in reality the top10reviews.com method has more holes than your socks.  If you have to travel down the unfortunate road of selling bro, rate is everything.  Rate affects your bottom line.

Top 10 Reviews

A Big Fuckin’ Snooze

Visit the zoos

It won’t give you da Blues

 

Instead of something massive

Like a great big ass of

McCormick did  passive

And made a morass of

 

Structured settlement annuity

There ain’t no ambiguity

So they get no gratuity

For lack of ingenuity

 

Best structured settlement annuity companies”

And the big raspberry that accompanies

Highlight a litany of gluttony

Hedge Fund puppetry

Pardon me for being so uppity

While rhymin’ so wondrously.

 

Other review sites of little value to minorities with structured settlements

Fund First Capital

This site seem to just promote DRB Capital.  Yet  they include Woodbridge Structured Funding  (in December they was named as one of the parties in  a Ponzi scheme action by the Securities Exchange Commission). Read the complaint against Woodbridge here. They also include Sovereign Funding which ain’t been in business for years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

JG Wentworth Bankrupt | Featured in Urban Dictionary

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JG Wentworth bankrupt. JG Wentworth hit the skids in November, filing Chapter 11 bankruptcy.  After going public in late 2013,  the JG Wentworth stock was mainly on a downward slide. The Structured Settlement Watchdog said their stock chart was like one Big F-U to investors.  Sure looks like it.  Stockholders get zilched out after the stock dropped 87% in one day and them debt holders take over.

One contributor to the Urban Dictionary say “JG Wentworth is a company that thrives on other peoples misery, structures settlement purchasers”. Another, who think JG a real person,  say “JG Wentworth is a douchebag that handles stupid peoples hard-earned money. This man is the biggest douchebag EVER.”

Anyhow JG Wentworth bankrupt was easy to turn into a rap.  First get yourself into a swaying motion and simply keep chanting the Bank-rupt chorus like to the tune of ” ” Hey Ho Hey Ho” chorus in the intro to the 2004 Naughty BY Nature hip hop classic  Hip Hip Hooray.  So you go  ” Bank-rupt, Bank-rupt” and let me do my shit in between.  Here we go.

Bank-rupt

Bank-rupt

Bank-rupt

Bank-rupt

JG stock went to shit

Investors took the hit

What bunch of fucking gits

Popping fucking zits

Bank-rupt

JG Wentworth bankrupt

JG Wentworth Bankruptcy Chapter 11 in November 2017 left common stock investors with zilch

 

Bank-rupt

Bank-rupt

Bank-rupt

Said the stock was the shit

Quite the tale they did knit

Took it all bit by bit

Damn shame isn’t it

Bank-rupt

Bank-rupt

Bank-rupt

Bank-rupt

Mr Wentworth gave Brylcreem  a whirl

Shoulda went with a dab of Jheri curl

That Viking ho who sang about cash now

Now Triking in Macau sings for puppy chow

Bank-rupt
Bank-rupt
Bank-rupt
Bank-rupt

Structured settlement cash now punchline

The Second Chapter 11 since ’09

Industry problems are hardly benign

Three Chapter 11 before Auld Lang Syne.

Bank-rupt
Bank-rupt
Bank-rupt
Bank-rupt

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Secondary Market Annuity | Pawn It Like a Gold Chain

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Today we be talking Secondary Market Annuity. A Secondary Market Annuity is Not an Annuity or so I read from The Dawg.  Basically what happens is when young brothas get chumped by some rich dudes from Florida, they pawn it off like a fuckin’ gold chain man., except a judge has to approve the deal.  And the muthafukkaz that be chumping your sorry ass know which court to go to get to you know, get the thing done without too much lookey see. You think that structured settlement be worth $3 million. Well guess what, in Las Olas it’s worth 50 bucks, maybe a little more on 165th Street, you know “past that mall” from Funkin 4 Jamaica. Actually it ain’t THAT bad, but it’s pretty effin’ bad. When you sell your structured settlement payments to buy some bling, some rich folks, they gonna sing.  Before I get to my latest Funky “Poultrified” Rap you may want to check out this great article by David Bakee called 7 Things You Should and Shouldn’t Buy From a Pawn Shop.

Secondary Market Annuity

A Really Great Opportunity

pawn shop

Young brotha “pawns off” structured settlement and it gets re-sold as a Secondary Market Annuity

That’s In The Community

And So It Gleams

Like The Gold Chain

Bought for Mary Jane

When You Was in Spain

Singin in Rain

 

Like Fred Astaire

Your ass is threadbare

There ain’t nothing there

Not like in 2008

When you called Gair Gair

 

Chester the investor

All dressed in Polyester

Dances to  Sylvester

Takes 10 mg of Crestor

And bought the new zester

As a kind gesture

Cuz his wife was a pester

Thought he was a jester

 

All kidding aside

If the rules they do abide

No funny business tried

Won’t fall on your backside

Or left chewing rawhide.

 

Secondary Market Annuity

There ain’t no ambiguity

There ain’t no superfluity

If you’ve got the acuity

Investor can make a nice gratuity

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Up Your Ass With That Lump Sum Of Cash

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Up Your ass with lump sum of cash because structured settlement cash now sucks. Lump sum for structured settlement is where you sell your structured settlement payments for a fraction of what it is worth.

In August 2015, as information started oozing out of Access Funding in Chevy Chase like a draining abcess, it opened up a lot of people’s eyes to how people of color in Baltimore were being taken advantage of  by white dudes.  Instead of fish and chips these folks either ate or were exposed to toxic  “Southern fried” lead paint chips and people like brother Freddie Gray  got pretty messed up. Some of the smart ones like Freddie Gray got structured settlements because it was the right thing to do. Dozens and Dozens of these brothers and sisters and other minorities were taken advantage of by white folks.

Up your ass

With that lump sum of cash

Best not do anything rash

 

Financial advisers,

These guys ain’t as wise as.

They hold themselves out

Like they got the same clout

Ain’t got the designations

Can you believe the indignation?

 

Like 101 Dalmations

Into annuity lactation

Milking your ass dry

So bad you wanna cry

Wish you was Marty McFly

or the Sultan of Brunei

So let me simplify

 

Lump sum  for annuity

Ain’t tutti fruity

Cash for structured settlement

More fun to ride an elephant

No discounted lump sums

From two-bit  flat ass bums

 

Who buys your structure

Ain’t your chums

Some ply you with booze

Hoping that you succumb

To the lump sum drum

Leaving you just the crumbs

 

If I want crumbs I’ll eat crumb cake

No more dealing with cash now snakes

Two bit hustlers with a pitch that’s opaque

Tell those fakes to jump in a lake.

 

Just remember this

It ain’t “lump sumptous”

It’s lump dumb shits.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Annuity Cash Outs Suck Big Time Rap

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Annuity Cash Outs

leave your ass out

No fuckin’ money

No fuckin’ honey

Can’t pay your bills

Nothing left in the till

Except a Cuke and Dill

 

And a Cuke and Dill

Sure isn’t a thrill

When already been to

The Barber of Seville

 

If you have the zeal

To do a deal

Let’s review the buyers

Before your cross your wires

Just my opinion

On here my dominion

 

Annuity cash outs

Stick your ass out

Cause a blackout

Don’t be down and out

 

Sell to JG Wentworth

Lose some financial girth

Sell To Genex

Don’t forget your specs

Sell To Corona

What a groaner

Sell to Novation

“Support the nation”

Sell to the DRB

Where’s the WC?

Sell to Rightway

I ain’t no don-kay

Sell to Uber

Rather eat a goober

Sell to Reliance

Fuck no,  in defiance

Sell My Annuity?

Pass that opportunity

Sell to 123?

Hold it I gotta pee

How about 1234?

Dribbling some more

Sell in Portsmouth?

A circus sho’ ’nuff

Great place to get stuffed

Rob Roy and get cuffed

Sell in Sumter?

Da Annuity payment dumpster

Was da county

For annuity buyer’s bounty

Sell to Peachtree?

Ain’t all MaiTais and Yahtzee

Sell to Fairfield?

Chew on a banana peel

Sell to Sell Any Annuity

See shit above re DRB

Sell to Paymaster

What?  I ain’t plastered!

Sell to Structured Settlement Group

No says Augustus Gloop

Sell to Liberty

Ho Ho Hee Hee

My Name is Pinkie Lee

Sell to Annuity Sold

Fake virtues they’ve try to extoll

Sometimes “the truth is

Better left unsold”

Sell to Annuity Casher

The Terrence Taylor Basher?

Sell To Annuity.org

Rather walk my dog

Selling your payments at a discount

Will not make you a Viscount

From the structured settlement horse that you chose to dismount

You could soon be out for the count

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cash Now Sucks for Structured Settlement

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Cash now sucks and nothing sucks more than a website from India, where there are no structured settlements, trying to sound authoritative to Americans with a structured settlement. Today I’m disgusted with an Indian website called I Love Structured that is bad. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was commissioned by someone here in the USA.

First of all I want to get a couple of thing straight, cash now sucks!  That and that I like Indians, have Indian friends, love Indian food, Bollywood and all that shit.  I’ve got nothing wrong with India or Indians readers. But the Indians that are writing this I Love Structured shit are giving out bad info. If don’t have the education it doesn’t improve your situation and may even hurt you if you rely on something that ain’t correct.  Do you what I’m saying?  I just don’t like how it seems that all the Black Hat web development dudes eat up this shit. They pay for cheap ass labor to so they can post original content whether it’s true or not and get people sell the structured settlement payments that they depend on for cash now.

I know y’all waiting on the rhyme so here we go…

The I Love Structured Rap

I Love Structured is

Like a Blood Vessel Ruptured

Not structured settlement cultured

Like structured settlement “butchered”

 

“It’s Not a Tumah”

Yes it is Muthafukka

It’s Cash Now Sucka

Something You Can Duck-a

So you won’t be broke-a

 

I Love Structured from India

Don’t Know What Got Into Ya

I Love my curry

But I’m in no hurry

To buy into their slurry

 

The structured settlement culture is

Already full of vultures

Now we got Raj from New Delhi

Trying to make you feel swelly

And Ajay from Bombay

Would he just go away?

They buy Gupta links

Put it on blogs that really stink

 

It would be less comical

If they were more on topical

If they checked for accuracy

Instead of a bullshit legacy

 

 

 

 

 

Forum Shopping Is Structured Settlement Dumbasstry

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Forum shopping is a fucked up business practice where dudes offering you cash now incentivize you to lie on your cash for structured settlement application and to a Court in a place that you don’t live so you can get cash. And they tell you it perfectly legal. The problem bro is that this is some fucked up shit. It be fraud. It’s bad enough that they be cleaning that Flavor Flav size clock around yo chicken neck, but they get you to lie  so when push comes to shove,  the judge in your make believe state of residence is going to look at you like “dumbass this is all on you”.

Girl like shopping

So the buyer takes you hopping

To Another state

Where you ain’t got stakes

 

To make up a story

That’s pretty whore-y

To impress a state court judge

May ignore details you fudged.

 

If you keep your trap shut

You a cash now slut

Slave for  your cash now pimp

You been chumped  you chimp

 

Now you a liar

For the structured settlement buyer

Forum shopping ain’t OK

Get caught you eatin’ hay

Just like Moola the Cow

And How Now Da Brown Sow

I be drinkin’  Lowenbrau

You just be fuckin’ low brow

 

Nobody be sympathetic

To a lying peripatetic

So mind ya big fat ass

Don’t be no pimply dumbass

If they ask you to lie

You just say bye bye

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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