Don’t Talk to Strangers About Your Structured Settlement!

You know its really strange how some people just feel like flapping they gums when they get some settlement money. Speaking of your structured settlement, or any part of your settlement, to unqualified strangers is one of the worst things you can do. You may as place a bullseye on your ass to help those that are gonna hand it to you for a fraction of a dollar. Best thing to do his keep the old pie hole shut. It’s a need to know and they don’t need to know.

Just Say No

Don’t talk to strangers

If you is a long ranger

Your payments last for life

Keep you out of trouble and strife

Pay no mind to hos that holler

Giving you shit for your dollar

Leaving y’all living in squalor

No more the extoller

And no more b baller

Your wallet is thinner

Tin of pet food for dinner

Is no way to go

Fuck dem cash now hos

They Sent You Mailers

One of the most annoying things is all those damn mailers you get from companies trawling for you to sell your structured settlement payments for a fraction of what they may be worth.

They sent you mailers

But they ain’t no sailors

Target the out on bailers

Down on their luck wailers

Punk you with fuckin’ calls

More and more fuckin ‘calls

They show up at your door

And hassle you some more

Try to kindle a romance

It sets you in the hole

With a cash now advance

So you no merry old soul

Get some independent advice

Save you from structured settlement cash now lice

Put ya rush hormone on ice

Keep your money, that’s  nice

12 percent that’s sick

When  y’all could get 5 or 6

The bigger the discount

For you a lower amount

Bro Shop around

Don’t be a hound

What is A Secondary Market Annuity?

Listen up y’all. A secondary market annuity is not an annuity. It’s like shit you can buy at your local pawnshop after people so desperate, they sell their payments for pennies on the muthafukkin dollar. And that’s not all homes. I read that are some poor people who invested in secondary market annuity lost their payments and other shit.

Secondary Market Annuity

Is Bad Marketing Kaka Doody

Gonna make you moody

Like a big ole bootie

Out of a bad B-Movie

Some poor young sucka

Shaved bare by a vulture

Got a lump sum

For about a crumb

Was gone in a month

Now you got the payments

From the dumbass claimant

Better than an arraignment

Or being kicked to the pavement

Cash Now Sucks. Structured Settlement Cash Now Sucks

Cash now sucks because all you get if you sell your structured settlement for cash now is just pennies on the dollar. What a rip off and it really sucks in the long term. It definitely ain’t the muthafukkin’ shit that them punk ass salesmen say it is. So don’t be a fool bro.

cash now sucks
Fine margins separate success from sucks

Your structured settlement that yo mama set up for you when you were a little dude man, that’s some heavy duty shit.

A structured settlement gives you stability

And tranquility.

So you can take responsibility

Instead of mooching off ya family.

And your homies and me.

That punk ass salesman ain’t got no license

That make “upside yo head” sense

Better to light up some incense

In-cents better than no sense they say

So new Beats by Dr Dre you can play

What y’all should say is ” no way”

Cash now sucks you duck

Why you’re here I don’t give a fuck

So get out of my face ace

Wipe the Rip me off smile off your face

Put me on that Do Not Call list

Call again and I’ll be fuckin’ pissed.

Don’t need your postcards

Or daffy canards

Or burner phones

from fucked up homes

StructuredSettlement.Us.Com | Structured Settlement BS is like a lotta websites out there that think they gonna get over on minorities. It don’t matter if y’all are black, white, Hispanic or whatever else, these are liars lookin to pay you just cents for every dollar of your structured settlement.  That’s why it don’t make no sense.

Pay attention on this. Here’ how these muthafuckkaz are lyin to y’all:

Brooklyn can be an expensive place to live these days. Quite a few people in the area have a structured settlement. Structured settlements are more than just a judgement for you. They are also a potential financial asset that can be bought or sold like other property”. BIG LIE—“That means that you might be able to get more out of your structured settlement than it’s currently giving you”-BIG LIE. Selling structured settlements can be a great way to accomplish many different goals. ”

structured settlement serves up a tasty can of structured settlement bullshit 

The reason that is lyin to y’all is that if you sell your structured settlement you lose money every muthafukkin time. No shit. dropping this deuce on your bandwidth all over New York City. The same words targeting people with a structured annuity settlement in Brooklyn, Queens and da Bronx.

Website totally bombs

It’s full of bullshit

About all there’s to it


They target the BBQ

With their Poo Poo Stew


They Up in Da Bronx

When They Show Just Fuckin honk

They Show Up in Queens

Better Eat Your Greens

They Show up in Brooklyn

Just keep on Chucklin’


You sell your structure

Get pecked alive by a vulture

They target a brother

And the brother’s mother

Don’t even pucker

If you ain’t no sucker

Open a jar of Smuckers

Don’t be a Schmucka.







Cash Fast But Can’t Make It Last

Cash Fast for structured settlement is

A horse’s ass with effin’ Cheese Whiz

Lyin’ muthafukkaz grab on to your payments

Leaving y’all to graze on fuckin’ hay and Velamints


They Say Cash Fast

But They Can’t Make It Last

So Now You Force to Fast

And Feel Like a Dumb Ass


Structured Settlement Cash Fast

On your payments a sumptuous repast

Pennies on the dollah

And ring around the collar


They wisk away your payments

And kick y’all to the pavement

They got no advice

Just hot air and head lice.


Fast Advance ain’t no romance

MoFos get in you in a trance

A bit of misdirection

Like the last election

Trapped by imagination

No congratulation


So take no advice

From “Miami Vice”

Stick with fried rice

Keep it in your pocket, now THAT’s nice


Cash Fast or Fast Cash

A big effing pain in the ass

Like walking barefoot on glass

Bleeding a muthafukkin’ rash


A rash for cash you say

Sucka play for your money they make

They Be Stacking Benjamins

You in a trance like you was on Ketamin

Hydrogenated like margarine

Sliding on Parkay floor

While they circle back to rob you some more.










DRB Capital, AnFed Bank, CBC Settlement Funding,  Seneca One,

Best Structured Settlement Annuity Companies 2018 | Top10 Reviews Sucks

Top10 reviews sucks
This top don’t spin because methodology sucks.

Best Structured Settlement Annuity Companies was published by They suck. Not a single one of the Best Structured Settlement Annuity Companies on that list is licensed to sell structured settlement annuities.  Not one of them is licensed to buy structured settlement annuities either. TheTop 10 Review site is bull shit. They trying to get over on your minority ass. Don’t let them.  When y’all pawn off your structured settlement as if you was going to the famous Home Boy of Harlem you ain’t selling no structured settlement annuity. That’s cuz you be selling the right to receive the payments from that annuity bro.

So TopTen claims its lineup of 10 structured settlement companies was selected based on several factors, including customer sentiment, company visibility and whether the company belongs to industry groups such as the National Association of Settlement Purchasers (NASP). In order to be a member of NASP, a structured settlement company must abide by a code of ethics, a consumer bill of rights and participate in anti-fraud initiatives.  But most important to read is that Top10 was not able to evaluate rates and fees, since they depend so much on the specific details of each settlement.

So in reality the method has more holes than your socks.  If you have to travel down the unfortunate road of selling bro, rate is everything.  Rate affects your bottom line.

Top 10 Reviews

A Big Fuckin’ Snooze

Visit the zoos

It won’t give you da Blues


Instead of something massive

Like a great big ass of

McCormick did  passive

And made a morass of


Structured settlement annuity

There ain’t no ambiguity

So they get no gratuity

For lack of ingenuity


Best structured settlement annuity companies”

And the big raspberry that accompanies

Highlight a litany of gluttony

Hedge Fund puppetry

Pardon me for being so uppity

While rhymin’ so wondrously.


Other review sites of little value to minorities with structured settlements

Fund First Capital

This site seem to just promote DRB Capital.  Yet  they include Woodbridge Structured Funding  (in December they was named as one of the parties in  a Ponzi scheme action by the Securities Exchange Commission). Read the complaint against Woodbridge here. They also include Sovereign Funding which ain’t been in business for years.













JG Wentworth Bankrupt | Featured in Urban Dictionary

JG Wentworth bankrupt. JG Wentworth hit the skids in November, filing Chapter 11 bankruptcy.  After going public in late 2013,  the JG Wentworth stock was mainly on a downward slide. The Structured Settlement Watchdog said their stock chart was like one Big F-U to investors.  Sure looks like it.  Stockholders get zilched out after the stock dropped 87% in one day and them debt holders take over.

One contributor to the Urban Dictionary say “JG Wentworth is a company that thrives on other peoples misery, structures settlement purchasers”. Another, who think JG a real person,  say “JG Wentworth is a douchebag that handles stupid peoples hard-earned money. This man is the biggest douchebag EVER.”

Anyhow JG Wentworth bankrupt was easy to turn into a rap.  First get yourself into a swaying motion and simply keep chanting the Bank-rupt chorus like to the tune of ” ” Hey Ho Hey Ho” chorus in the intro to the 2004 Naughty BY Nature hip hop classic  Hip Hip Hooray.  So you go  ” Bank-rupt, Bank-rupt” and let me do my shit in between.  Here we go.





JG stock went to shit

Investors took the hit

What bunch of fucking gits

Popping fucking zits


JG Wentworth bankrupt
JG Wentworth Bankruptcy Chapter 11 in November 2017 left common stock investors with zilch





Said the stock was the shit

Quite the tale they did knit

Took it all bit by bit

Damn shame isn’t it





Mr Wentworth gave Brylcreem  a whirl

Shoulda went with a dab of Jheri curl

That Viking ho who sang about cash now

Now Triking in Macau sings for puppy chow


Structured settlement cash now punchline

The Second Chapter 11 since ’09

Industry problems are hardly benign

Three Chapter 11 before Auld Lang Syne.
















Secondary Market Annuity | Pawn It Like a Gold Chain

Today we be talking Secondary Market Annuity. A Secondary Market Annuity is Not an Annuity or so I read from The Dawg.  Basically what happens is when young brothas get chumped by some rich dudes from Florida, they pawn it off like a fuckin’ gold chain man., except a judge has to approve the deal.  And the muthafukkaz that be chumping your sorry ass know which court to go to get to you know, get the thing done without too much lookey see. You think that structured settlement be worth $3 million. Well guess what, in Las Olas it’s worth 50 bucks, maybe a little more on 165th Street, you know “past that mall” from Funkin 4 Jamaica. Actually it ain’t THAT bad, but it’s pretty effin’ bad. When you sell your structured settlement payments to buy some bling, some rich folks, they gonna sing.  Before I get to my latest Funky “Poultrified” Rap you may want to check out this great article by David Bakee called 7 Things You Should and Shouldn’t Buy From a Pawn Shop.

Secondary Market Annuity

A Really Great Opportunity

pawn shop
Young brotha “pawns off” structured settlement and it gets re-sold as a Secondary Market Annuity

That’s In The Community

And So It Gleams

Like The Gold Chain

Bought for Mary Jane

When You Was in Spain

Singin in Rain


Like Fred Astaire

Your ass is threadbare

There ain’t nothing there

Not like in 2008

When you called Gair Gair


Chester the investor

All dressed in Polyester

Dances to  Sylvester

Takes 10 mg of Crestor

And bought the new zester

As a kind gesture

Cuz his wife was a pester

Thought he was a jester


All kidding aside

If the rules they do abide

No funny business tried

Won’t fall on your backside

Or left chewing rawhide.


Secondary Market Annuity

There ain’t no ambiguity

There ain’t no superfluity

If you’ve got the acuity

Investor can make a nice gratuity









Up Your Ass With That Lump Sum Of Cash

Up Your ass with lump sum of cash because structured settlement cash now sucks. Lump sum for structured settlement is where you sell your structured settlement payments for a fraction of what it is worth.

In August 2015, as information started oozing out of Access Funding in Chevy Chase like a draining abcess, it opened up a lot of people’s eyes to how people of color in Baltimore were being taken advantage of  by white dudes.  Instead of fish and chips these folks either ate or were exposed to toxic  “Southern fried” lead paint chips and people like brother Freddie Gray  got pretty messed up. Some of the smart ones like Freddie Gray got structured settlements because it was the right thing to do. Dozens and Dozens of these brothers and sisters and other minorities were taken advantage of by white folks.

Up your ass

With that lump sum of cash

Best not do anything rash


Financial advisers,

These guys ain’t as wise as.

They hold themselves out

Like they got the same clout

Ain’t got the designations

Can you believe the indignation?


Like 101 Dalmations

Into annuity lactation

Milking your ass dry

So bad you wanna cry

Wish you was Marty McFly

or the Sultan of Brunei

So let me simplify


Lump sum  for annuity

Ain’t tutti fruity

Cash for structured settlement

More fun to ride an elephant

No discounted lump sums

From two-bit  flat ass bums


Who buys your structure

Ain’t your chums

Some ply you with booze

Hoping that you succumb

To the lump sum drum

Leaving you just the crumbs


If I want crumbs I’ll eat crumb cake

No more dealing with cash now snakes

Two bit hustlers with a pitch that’s opaque

Tell those fakes to jump in a lake.


Just remember this

It ain’t “lump sumptous”

It’s lump dumb shits.